Friday, September 21, 2012

Through The Eyes of My Son~

        To start off, this topic gives me a lot of anxiety.
        It happened five years ago, my brother was born. He started a new light into my world but were there is light a shadow casts. It was weeks later that I discovered that my mom had ulcerative colitis. After that many events went fast, my mom was at the hospital, my grandma moved in and the fact was my mom was very sick.
        Newborn brother Sawyer, Chase, Sophie and me started to adjust to the new environment or whatever you want to call it. My mom spent a lot of hours in the bathroom and me and Chase were the only ones who really understood the change that we saw in mom. Our family had to rely on grandma instead of our mom and that was hard for all of us. We started to bond together even more than before. Yes it did suck going back and forth to hospitals but it was all worth it to see my mom.
        So the questions still remain like why did my mom get sick, will I get it and have to wear a bag, would our family ever have a “happy ending.” Only now that mom is better can I say yes indeed we are happy again. I became more independent and once again my mom is home!!!!! My mom still has hospital visits, that gets the house filled with anxiety but I know it is OK. I am not alone. My dad is here and my brothers and sister. I have lots of grandmas and grandpas that love us to.

2010 sick
      You are not alone, all you kids who have your parents away due to their disease, always remember that there is a family that loves you and will care for you through your struggles. Look my mom’s sickness lasted 5 years and I’m still here. The best thing to remember is you’re not alone.
- Colin      

When I first read what Colin, 13, had put together I was speechless. Not only did I noticed how great of a writer he is turning into, I also noticed how old he had become. I know, I have been told a million times 'sneeze and they will be grown', but I am only seeing now that it really is true!
Colin is the classic first born. He bears so much responsibility on his shoulders often times we need to remind him that he is still a kid. As we read through his blog post together we reminded each other of different aspects of the past 5 years. It was hard to pick out what he wanted to say. I guess he was a little speechless too... that is at first.

He told me how 'those were the worst days and nights of his life', and that he worried I would never be better... of coarse that broke my heart. I could see my little boy laying in his bed crying. What could I have done differently? My mom moved into our home, my mother-in-law took shifts to let my mom work the night shift. My other mom (step-mom, but I call her mom too so just to clarify) would bring meals to help lighten the load of 3 busy kids and a newborn.... I thought I had it all covered. But how do you cover ones broken, worried heart?

I am sure of it. As sure as everything I know. I am sure that time, love, consistency and communication helped heal those broken hearts. Time, because as I got stronger we all noticed the kids became more confident in the 'system' of medicine. How I would go in for an appointment or have a surgery or test and soon I would be a little better.
They were showered in love from our family, church and friends.
Consistency in caregivers and routines. We tried our best to have the same people watching the kids and made sure that the kids were never separated. 4 kids are a really big deal for some people to handle so this was a challenge at times especially being the ages of the kids. Colin was 8.5, Chase 7, Sophie 4 and Sawyer was an infant. It worked out that my mom could work a really late shift making her home during the day for the little ones. My husband would leave for work a little later as to help pack lunches and get breakfast rolling. My mother-in-law would come to the house after she picked the older kids up from school arriving just in time for my mom to leave for work. Mom-in-law would then stay until the kids were in bed helping hubby with all the craziness of the end of the day stuff. Dinners came and were eaten, and that went on for over a year. * In this situation the divorce of both of my and my husbands parents worked to our advantage! :) More grandparent love! *

How many times have you heard that communication is so important in a relationship?! The trials of the past 5 years has really opened the door for open communication for all of us! Have a question, ask it. At first it was really hard for me to talk openly to my kids about my butt problems. It was gross and I hated it so why would they feel any different? Then there is always the thought of too much info for little minds. It is a balance in just answering questions to giving them more questions. This is where we are still working, but I see it overflowing into all areas of our lives not just my health.

Wow, has this little idea of my son guest blogging turned into a lot of questions that I have unanswered. How has this affected my other children who were much younger and maybe not as understanding of illness. How has it affected Sawyer, he was only 2 weeks old when I was diagnosed.

I am not sure of it all but I do believe that God works out all things, even the bad things He can make good.

2011 me and Colin
Time will tell and I am so thankful that God has given me more of it to spend with my awesome children~